Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
