he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
