So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
