What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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