My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
