if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
