it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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