Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
