the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
