Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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