Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
