You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
