Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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