She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
