I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
