using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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