i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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