we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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