i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
