you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
