Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
