She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
