I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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