I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My first STD was from a foam party
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
