this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
