I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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