just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
