I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
