I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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