Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
