dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
