i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
