Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
