HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
