i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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