We named our party play list daddy issues
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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