I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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