I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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