Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize