I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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