Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
