Barsexuality is the new black.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COCAINE IS GR8
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
