Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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