i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
