I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
