I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
