You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
