I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
