I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
