so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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