he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
