Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
