how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
