Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
