dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
