I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I met the friendliest cop last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
