I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
