I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
