We won't sleep together?
I wish I could teleport
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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