He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
