once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
