i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
did i just pee glitter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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