You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
