I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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