Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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