Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
