God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
