Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
