Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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