Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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