do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
