carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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