Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
