im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
