You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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