oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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