3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
