May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
