Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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