fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
