you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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