maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
