we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone shit on the floor
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
