my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize