people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
